Vampires

I'm pretty sure hospitals are run by vampires:

Chemo - Week 2

What I realized pretty quickly is that getting a chemo injection is probably the most depressing and nerve-racking experience. The nurse has to wear special gloves and a safety gown because chemo is extremely toxic. The fact that they were injecting this toxic stuff into my veins did not set me at ease. It's like someone telling you that the only available toilet is the one with that really hungry shark in it. Yes, you have to use that one. Oh, and you have explosive diarrhea.

What else is concerning is the long list of side-effects. Hair-loss, heart and vein damage, digestive issues, to name a few. It's a very long way from taking Emergency at the first signs of a cold. So, I'm not ashamed to say that I cried when the nurse explained the dangers of chemo to me at midnight last week. (Having shaken me awake from a relatively peaceful sleep.) It was a pretty crappy moment. It's not like I could say, "You know what? I think I'm going to go home and think about this for a few days and I'll get back to you." Cancer is impatient, and doesn't take rain-checks.

Here's my advice to anyone getting chemo: listen to music. Loud, fast, heart-pumping music. Silence is the worst. I was laying there as the nurse was prepping my IVs, getting the creepy chemo syringes ready, and I suddenly realized I wasn't scared or nervous (not as much as minutes earlier). All I thought was, "Well, this is just really boring." So, I grabbed my iPhone and flipped to my old jogging mix and turned up the volume. For the next hour, as she pushed the chemo into my veins, I rocked out to some of my favorite jogging tunes. Halfway through we were all singing and laughing. It was a very surreal experience.

Here's the mix I whipped up last week:

"Because We Can" Fatboy Slim (Moulin Rouge Soundtrack)
"The Blood of Cu Chulainn" Jeff Danna & Mychael Danna (From Boondocks Saints Soundtrack)
"We Didn't Start the Fire" Billy Joel
"Rolling in the Deep" Adele
"This is the Life" Amy McDonald
"Rockstar 101 (Dave Aude Remix)" Rihanna
"Typical Situation" Dave Matthews Band
"Keep it in the Family" Hybrid

Also, visualization is key. When I wasn't bobbing my head and picturing jogging through the trails of Kings Canyon National Park, I pictured a little Pac Man chomping away at a bunch of cancer cells. (Shout out to my Good Karma Buddy Kathy for this!)

Haven't made my chemo mix for tonight yet, but planning on lots of loud techno and good beats.

Wish me luck, internet world!

UPDATE: 

Here's my mix for tonight! M.I.A. makes quite a few appearances.

"Da Funk" Daft Punk

"O... Saya" A.R. Rahman & M.I.A.

"Bucky Done Gun" M.I.A.

"Spaceman" Way Out West

"Boyz" M.I.A.

"Dance Without You" Skylar Grey

"Numb" Hybrid

"Barefoot Blue Jean Night" Jake Owen

"Coming Home" Diddy

"Lighters" Bad Meets Evil

"Cosmic Love" Florence + the Machine

"The a la menthe" La Caution

"Letting Go" Lupe Fiasco

"Paper Airplanes" M.I.A.

Awesome Bald

As I near the point in my treatment when I will lose my hair, I take strength in some of the famous cue-balls I've admired in the past. Here are a few, not in any particular order. I only hope I can pull off no-hair as well as these honorable fellows:

Uncle Fester:

Patrick Stewart:

G. I. Jane:

Natalie Portman:

Montel Williams:

Bruce Willis:

Elmer Fudd:

Dr. Evil:

Brittany Spears:

And, of course, dinosaurs. They were rocking the baldness prehistoric style:

Except the Jheri-curl-a-saurus.

I'm pretty sure jheri-curl-a-saurus is the reason there are no more dinos left.

Under new management

Before my body felt like this:

Now, it's like this:

I'm a high-class joint.

Fly in the room

So, have you ever had that fly in your house that keeps buzzing around, knocking into the windows and walls, trying to find a way out. But when you open all the doors and windows, it still can't seem to find the exit? Eventually the only way to get rid of it is to let it run its 24-hour life span, settle in the grove between the window glass, shrivel up and die. What a way to go. Stupid flies.

Bad thoughts are like those flies. You don't know where they come from, but once they're in your head, they buzz around, bumping into things, until they're all you can think about. Sitting in a hospital room brings lots of these thought flies, especially at 3 in the morning when you can't sleep.

It always starts off as one thought...

Then they multiply into a swarm...

But then internet becomes the door through which the thought flies flee.

At least there's that.

Two Years Tall

Today was the hardest day so far. As I paged the nurse to empty my pee hat, (yes, pee hat. To monitor my kidneys, every time I go to the bathroom, I have to pee in a special "hat" - which, yes, looks very much like an upside-down top hat - and call the nurse to empty it whenever I have to go again. Glamorous I know), I felt suddenly overwhelmed by the next two years that lay at my feet.

Needless to say, it was hard to find a laugh today.

Game Plan